In Jean-Paul Sartre's play "No Exit", he wrote: "Hell is other people." Sometimes, living with roommates can truly give one such a feeling. Everyone has a different way of getting along with others. Some people you might get along with very well, while others might trouble you. Fortunately, most roommates don't intentionally make you unhappy, although sometimes we might feel that way. But they might have different lifestyles, and this difference can trigger conflicts. Therefore, understanding these differences and communicating are the keys to establishing a healthy roommate relationship.
The MBTI personality test is a very useful framework that helps us better understand these differences and thereby improve the relationship with our roommates.
The MBTI test mainly explores the individual differences in the following four aspects:
- Extraversion vs. Introversion: Do we obtain energy from the external world and focus on the outside, or do we gain energy from the inner world and focus on the inside?
- Sensing vs. Intuition: Do we prefer practical, sensory-experience-based facts, or do we prefer to focus on future possibilities, connections, and the big picture?
- Thinking vs. Feeling: Do we rely on logic and objective analysis to make decisions, or are we more concerned about interpersonal relationships and values?
- Judging vs. Perceiving: Do we prefer structure and planning in life, or are we more inclined to go with the flow and be flexible?
Among them, the personality differences between "Judging" and "Perceiving" often have a particularly significant impact on getting along with roommates.
Roommates with a Judging preference typically enjoy an organized and structured life. They like clear plans and arrangements and tend to keep things in order. Therefore, they usually hope the residence remains clean and tidy. They strongly prefer to have a beginning and an end when doing things. Once they start a task, they hope to complete it, and usually have a mental "voice" reminding them: "The task isn't finished; you can't relax."
In contrast, roommates with a Perceiving preference usually don't care much about organization and structure. They aren't easily bothered by a messy environment and don't feel an urgent need to complete a certain task. For them, there is more flexibility in life - if something more interesting happens, they are likely to postpone doing housework. Perceiving-type people will clean up when there are guests visiting, but usually, they will start at the last minute.
When Judging-type roommates see the house in a mess, they might gradually become anxious and eventually clean up by themselves, and thus start complaining about the Perceiving-type roommates. And the Perceiving-type roommates might feel troubled because they think the cleaning can be done later. In fact, Judging-type people are more sensitive to a messy environment than Perceiving-type people.
According to a survey on the workplace environment, when asked "Do you hate seeing someone else's desk messy?", 55% of Judging-type people agreed, while only 25% of Perceiving-type people agreed. Clearly, this difference between Judging and Perceiving can affect our lifestyle and daily decisions. For example, Judging-type people like to plan things in advance, while Perceiving-type people are more inclined to make impromptu decisions. If a Judging-type roommate suddenly says: "Oh, I've decided not to go on a trip this weekend", the Perceiving-type roommate might be puzzled and think it's no big deal.
Perceiving-type people usually like to be flexible. If they feel forced to live by a plan or have to make decisions in advance, they might be unhappy and think this approach is a bit too rigid. This can lead to tension between the two. The Judging-type person forcefully sets an early deadline, while the Perceiving-type person deliberately procrastinates.
So, can Judging-type and Perceiving-type people live harmoniously? The answer is: Of course, but this requires understanding and compromise from both sides.
First, be aware that when your roommate does something that you find inappropriate or troublesome, it's likely that they aren't intentionally trying to anger you. They are just acting in their natural way. Moreover, their way might sometimes be helpful to you.
Are you and your roommate Judging-type or Perceiving-type? If you still don't know your MBTI type, you can take the
free MBTI personality test provided by PsycTest to understand your personality preferences. And if you want a more in-depth interpretation, you can refer to the
MBTI Premium Personality Profile, which can help you better understand your personality characteristics.
Sit down with your roommate for an open and honest conversation to discuss your different views on the home environment. Express your feelings about their behavior easily and try to reach a consensus. You can explore how to resolve conflicts through complementary methods instead of getting into arguments.
Set some basic rules for family life so that there can be both order and flexibility. For example, determine which things need to be planned and discussed in advance and which can be decided flexibly. When arranging cleaning tasks, you can also determine when to do them and who is responsible.
Judging-type people can usually make decisions quickly, and this efficiency is very valuable at certain times. Perceiving-type people are good at considering all possibilities comprehensively and can think more thoroughly when making decisions. Combining your advantages can lead to making decisions that are both efficient and comprehensive.
If you are going to hold a family party, perhaps let the Judging-type person be responsible for organizing and arranging, but when it comes to the actual implementation, allow the Perceiving-type person to come up with some last-minute creativity and maintain flexibility.
Judging and Perceiving are just one aspect of MBTI. Of course, other personality differences are equally important. But if you can understand and accept each other's differences, appreciate each other's strengths, and establish effective communication and cooperation, you can jointly create a harmonious living environment.
If you still don't know your MBTI type, you can further understand it through the official website of PsycTest (
psyctest.cn). Through the detailed interpretation of the MBTI Premium Personality Profile, you will be able to deeply understand yourself and others and thereby better adapt to getting along with your roommates.
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